Some Days You're the Bug

I’ll let you in on a little secret - some days are rough. I’ve always liked the saying Some days you’re the bug, and some days you’re the windshield. And I know that’s okay. We’re all allowed to have “bad” days every once in a while, you just can’t let that define you week or your month or even your life. Today I had one of those not so great days. I think it’s an accumulation of lots of little things that I’ve just been putting toward the back of my mind – I’m stressed about medschool, I’m stressed about step 1, a friend is moving away, I haven’t talked to my college best friend in months, I’m tired, I feel like I’m in a BJJ slump, med school feels isolating, etc. etc. And I may have eaten WAY too much sugar/drank WAY too much coffee today and had a major crash right around the time BJJ open mat started. Bad timing.

 I could not physically get myself to walk onto the mat tonight. I just felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and for the first time in a really long time it was abundantly clear to me that I was the only girl there. I just needed someone to understand that I was being a little overly-emotional but that it was OK. And I really do appreciate and respect and genuinely like the guys at my academy [I do love that I've been fully accepted and don't feel like being a girl sets me back in my BJJ]– but there are times when you just really need a girl because telling a guy you didn’t want to train because “I want to crawl under a blanket and eat pounds of chocolate” just isn’t going to fly. And yes, sometimes being a girl means that even though it’s irrational and you wish you could change it, you’re going to cry or binge eat anyway. So I didn’t train tonight because I felt like an outsider in my own academy. [Let me be ABUNDANTLY clear: it was nothing the guys at my academy did, they are incredibly supportive, it was just an irrational feeling]. I was really upset with myself the entire ride home, but luckily I have a strong supportive mother who told me to “suck it up, go back tomorrow, and prove to yourself that you do belong”. And that’s not her being harsh – that’s her awesome way of picking me back up and telling me not to let one bad day make me give up on BJJ. [Thank you.]

So that was my bad day. I will be back tomorrow at class, and I will train. You’ve just got to take life one day at a time. Today was rough – tomorrow will be better. 

To all the warriors out there who keep standing up every time they fall, remember that “Failure is not the falling down, but the staying down”.


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